I got this coupon code, HUSTLINBOSS, from another maker mom recently and I had to laugh to myself- so NOT me! I never really considered myself a “hustler” (I’m not even cool enough to use words like that!), and if I were your boss, you’d for sure laugh at me. Hustlin boss I am not. What I am is trying to hold it all together. I feel like I’m still adjusting to being an adult, let alone a wife and mom, a mom of two, a stay at home mom, a work at home mom, a business owner, a marketing manager, a blogger, a web designer, a distribution specialist, a woodworker, and all the other hats I seem to wear these days. Do you ever have those moments where you look at your life from the outside and think, “If they only knew…”? I walked into the dining room the other day after serving my family dinner and thought- wow, these kids think I’m in charge- they have no idea! If they only knew I’m terrified inside 90% of the time, I winging it like 99.9999% of the day, and I still feel like I’m the kid and wonder when the adult will come in and take over for me! But they don’t. People don’t know what’s going on inside your head and chances are your life looks a lot more put together on the outside than it feels on the inside.
So let’s get real, this shit is hard. There really is no having it all. Those celebrities that do everything must have nannies raising their children and that mom who gets to stay at home with her kids never gets a minute off. And these days even moms like me who have their dreams come true and get to be stay at home moms have to have some sort of side hustle to feel complete, adequate, whole. We feel like we are doing it all and at the same time never quite enough. It’s not enough to be a mom. You have to be super mom- make your own baby food, your own baby clothes, your own salves, toothpaste and butt creams, have the perfect house and cars that are always tidy, dress your children and yourself in the latest styles, lose that baby weight three weeks after baby is born all while nursing your baby so glowingly, attend all the mommy groups with a smile, run errands with grown children strapped to all parts of your body, go on dates with your partner, go outside your house with real clothes on, exercise, have close friendships and do social things with those friends, not to mention being interesting, having hobbies and most likely bringing home some bacon to fry up for your family at night with homegrown organic green healthy shit too.
In real life, I’m typing this while my baby is clawing at me for a boob, I’ve got my 4 year old stuck in front of the TV- again, so I can get a minute of quiet, I smell and I’m wearing a Disney Princess hat and the same shirt I’ve had on for 3 days and nights. I only shower when my head starts itching- gross! My house is only clean when I know you’re coming over and I can’t remember the last time I vacuumed my bedroom because you won’t be going in there. My clean laundry stays in a heap on the couch way too long and I use my dryer as my iron because I’m lazy. My kids eat lots of Mac N Cheese and I do, too. I never lost the baby weight and I gave up on Weight Watchers because eating makes me happy. I have no idea what all is lost in my car- if I can’t find it, it’s probably there somewhere. I lose my keys, my phone and my remote about three times a day. The only thing my husband and I have to talk about is our kids, our business, our “president” and the weather. We almost never have sex. The only friends I can keep are the ones who don’t expect to hear from me often. I do make a lot of my stuff, but only because we’re poor and it’s cheaper that way. Breastfeeding is my exercise. My hobbies include sleeping, eating, watching reality TV and repeating those actions. I have no idea what I’m doing in business and I make way more mistakes than I’d like to acknowledge. I didn’t even know what hastags were for until this year and I still feel dumb when I use one. And I’m kind of ashamed that I’m letting the whole world know all of this. I’m afraid you’ll judge me or report me to CPS (please don’t!). But I’m hoping that just maybe you’ll relate. That by being real with you, I can get closer to you and I can accept myself for all my flaws. That maybe you’ll open up and show me what your life is really like. Because I can’t relate to perfect people and messy houses make me feel more at home. So tell me, what’s lurking under your beautiful facade?